Every song is about me.

So I was reading an article online about a woman who was 300lbs. She had weight loss surgery and lost 180lbs. Wooohooo for her right? Well, apparently not.
She had went on to talk about how her doctor had made her angry because he asked if she was excited to fit down the air plane aisle etc. She wasn't necessarily angry that he said it but more angry that they both had bought into the idea that skinny=, happy, =better life, = magic pill to cure all self image issues.
Well, after her surgery and all the weight loss she still hated her body. She was still unhappy with who she was. She had said at one point she was down to a size 2 and was disappointed  that she wasn't a 0.
This got me to thinking. My initial reaction was to pity her and feel sad that she wasnt comfortable with who she was. Then I realized, I was never actually comfortable with my body either. It was either my boobs are too big, my stomach too flabby, my thighs touch, Im too short and the list goes on.
Now those of you who know me, know that the only time I ever got above 115lbs was while I was pregnant with my son. And trust me folks, I got big. I gained like 60lbs and little EZ was only 6lbs 1oz when he came out. I had pre-eclampisa, but we didn't know, and EZ showed up 3 weeks early, tiny as can be. I lost all that weight pretty quickly. It took less than a year for me to be back down to pre-baby weight. But, with all of that my self image had altered. But not in a magical, because I'm a mom, I love everything EZ did to my body, it was all worth it, load of crap I hear a lot of women spew. If you feel this way then PLEASE give me your secret because to be honest, I hate this body more than ever.
My boobs are sad, my thighs have stretch marks, I have the kanga pooch because of all my extra skin, I'm even hairy then before, and the ever haunting vag being stretched insecurities. Before you get on me saying oh you're beautiful and shame on you for feeling this way etc. Let me just say I know I'm crazy but I cant help it.
On a "heavy" day I tip the scale at 112. So why then am I so unhappy with my body? My husband trys hard to support me. I say I want to work out he trys to push me to do so, but my brain says "he must be unhappy with the way you look, quick comfort yourself with a Oreo." 
Im working on who I am on the inside and hopefully it will translate to the outside. I will be happy one day with who I am, inside and out. Stretch marks, saggy boobs and all. But as of right now I'm not there. And I think I'm okay with that.  New prayer: God, help me see myself as you see me and help me not be so dang vain that I think every song is about me.  Amen.

Survey from one of my besties.

Your challenge, if you chose to accept it .... is to answer the following questions!

1. What is your greatest accomplishment?

Giving birth with out an epidural

2. The best advice you will give your future children (or already have given to your children)?

Never marry for anything other then love

3. Where is your favorite place to go shopping?

Outlets

4. What do you miss the most about your childhood?

My friends

5. Are you a dog or a cat person and why?

Both. I have a dog and he is my bff but I love kitties too.

6. What is something that just irks you to no end?'

corduroy. it makes me shiver

7. Who loves orange soda?

kkkkkellll loves orange soda. is it true? mmmmmhmmmm i do i do i DoOOOOOO

8. Why do you blog?

Im a stay at home mom with too much time

9. What is your best advice for people who are just starting off in this "blogging world"?

have fun

10. What is your favorite home cooked meal?

carbanara

 

11. What is one thing that is on your "Bucketlist"?

I want to go to Crete

SOOOOO yesterday for the first time ever Rally dog ran away got into a fight with another dog and made me want to kill him. Imagine this: me running around the neighbor hood while pushing little EZ in the stroller. The owner of the other dog joined in the fun too. I live 2 blocks from a very busy street. I was freaking out thinking this dumb dog was gonna die. She finally caught the little shit head in her garage. He was so pleased with himself. It was the kennel for the rest of the night for him. I seriously thought I was going to beat him bloody.

Today Eli had squash for the first time ever! The little oinker lovvvvved it. He cried when it was gone. Yeah Im rasing a fatty but who cares I love him, skin folds and all!

I learned that not everyone is honorable or has the correct sense of right and wrong. How does someone moral compass get so messed up? I know this seems like an obvious thing. I mean look at all the criminals out there. But Im talking about someone who knowingly agreed to something and because they changed their minds lie, cheat and scam to get out of it. Being a navy wife and an army brat honor and respect is ingrained in me. They always say it takes a special person to be in this life but I disagree. It takes a special love. I love my husband too much to let him ruin his name and career just because I miss him when he is gone. Being apart from him hurts. The hole in my chest sucks the life out of me some days. I spend hours on the couch crying and hearing his voice over the crackingly delayed phone calls makes me choke up. But regaurdless of all this agony every day Im away from him is another day closer to him coming home. I agreed to this life when I said "I do." Woman up and honor your agreement. I hope you know you have shamed yourself and your family.

Popping my cherry

WOOHOOO! Its my first blog! It took my little E-Z and a friend pressuring me to finally get one. E-Z is my little boy and my bff. Im a stay at home military mom with probably way to much time on my hands. E-Z and I will be learning or trying one new thing a day. Stay tuned for mommy adventures and an insight into my insanely boring life ;-)
I <3 Bird